I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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