we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
