I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
