I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
