So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
