Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
