Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
