I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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