very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
