Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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