I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
4 words: hood of his car
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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