Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Everyone says I win the strip club
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
