Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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