I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
