i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
