Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
