why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
