i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
