oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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