Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
