I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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