true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
