why didn't you poke me back
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
