trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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