I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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