the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
