Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
