he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
