come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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