Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
