i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
