There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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