Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
