matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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