White coat. Heels.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
