I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
