I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
