someone threw a dead crab at me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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