We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
