ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
