I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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