I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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