It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
