I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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