I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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