You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
