It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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