He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
