it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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