I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
