he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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