Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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